I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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