You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
