This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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