absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
