you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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