i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Duck Duck Cougar?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize