So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
