That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
