I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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