it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
