Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
