i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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