woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
