I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
