I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
