Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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