thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
