Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
