But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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