yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
