apparently the secret to your success is patron
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
