so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
