If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
