Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
