I wish my penis had an off switch
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
