I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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