What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize