who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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