so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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