I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
