First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
