just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
