I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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