If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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