I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
