Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
