I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
