The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
