it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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