found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
