if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
