i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
