Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
