At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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