chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
