Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
