You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Randomize
