Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
