im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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