you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
