I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
