just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
