and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
