my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
