whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
not ubering you a puppy
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
