Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
