i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize