Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
