she was so not down for the gang bang
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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