Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
