I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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