I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize