well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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