In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
