If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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