dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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