Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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