Duck Duck Cougar?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
