All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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