she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
